1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
