before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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