twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
