i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
