Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
