We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
