absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
