so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
