she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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