I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
