so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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