I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We have started to decorate penises.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
