He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There r osticjed everywhere
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
