i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
