Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
