I want you more than these girls want KFC
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just found a bag of teeth...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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