Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
