Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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