Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ketchup is God's man juice
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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