he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
