i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
