so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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