cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
