Plan B is the new Plan A
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
