The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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