Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
