this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
