You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
