dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
