Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
