70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
