peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
