Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i drank out of a bidet.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
