I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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