she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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