I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
