I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im holly from the hills drunk
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
