i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
