I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
