Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
