that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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