Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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