rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
