I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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