I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
