Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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