so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
