I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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