i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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