the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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